The genesis of dark romance?

Content warning ⚠️: This post contains sensitive themes that appear in the weekly portion of the Torah

Okay, hear me out for a moment. Parshat Vayeishev seems to have all the elements of a dark romance novel: An ingénue gets married off to the evil son of a rich and famous family who dies shortly after. Then his brother marries her, uses her for his pleasure but refuses to impregnate her, and he too dies. The young woman returns to her childhood home and awaits the opportunity to marry the third son who was also promised to her. But instead, betrayal finds her! She decides to take matters into her own hands by dressing up as a prostitute and seducing her father-in-law. When it is clear that she is pregnant, she is in danger of being burned alive.

Usually, dark romance stories aren't my cup of tea. I prefer lighter reading. So it may be interesting that when I became religious and was searching for a Hebrew name I chose Tamar. At first, when I read the story of Tamar I found it very odd. Jewish law is strict on forbidden relations, so Tamar and Yehuda as a couple seem out of place. Prostitution too is a big no-no. So what was Tamar thinking?

Tamar knew something the men in her life didn't. This woman knew her mission was to establish the kingship lineage of David, the same lineage that would bring forth the Moshiach (redeemer). She knew that this lineage had to go through Yehuda too. And if Yehuda wasn't going to provide a son for her, well, you know the rest. 

This mission was not without risk. Yet, when faced with the threat of death, Tamar didn't plead. She didn't embarrass Yehuda, although she was in the position to do so. At her hearing, she brought out the belongings Yehuda had left with her to prove his parentage. That takes real courage. 

In the fifth mishna of chapter 2 in Pirke Avot, Rabban Gamliel says "In a place where there are no men, strive to be a man." In Parshat Vayeishev, Tamar is the one taking the initiative a man should have taken, because the men fail to do the job. However, she does not abandon her feminity to do so. Through her actions, Yehuda understands that he messed up. Tamar forces him to be the man and take responsibility. He even acknowledges that she is more righteous than him. I don't think there can be a better end to a romance story than a man admitting that the woman was right all along. 😉

Tamar's courage inspires me as a person and a writer. Because of her, I'm putting myself out there, even if shomer negiah (no touch) romances aren't well established. Further, I want to give my characters some of her strength, determination, and dimension. She's not just a victim of her situation. She takes agency. 

Shabbat shalom,

Tamar aka Telem

Question to you, my reader: What is your favorite part of the original Tamar's arc? What does she inspire you to try that you might be scared of?